when things don't go as planned

For the past two days, I have been a little MIA and I know some of you have noticed... Well, if you follow me on Insta, you would have known the reason.

No I didn't up and decided to move to Chicago. ... or even take a mini vacay for that matter...

At 4pm on Monday, the hubby's back surgeon called and offered us the daunting date of surgery I have been dreading... Wednesday,  October 22. Yes, less than two days from the phone call. Which meant over 2 months worth of honey - do list items to squeeze into maybe 48 hours. We took it.

We arrived at Rush University Medical Center at 8:30am on Wednesday morning for a scheduled MRI and after, we headed to registration. There we were informed that surgery wasn't until 4pm, but insurance was still pending- basically the doctor had sent the information and paperwork into our insurance company, and it was still under review. 

Once registration was completed, we headed to the 7th floor nurses station. They took my hubby back, did some blood work, and told us to be back around 2pm for surgery prep. 

We were both tired, so we headed to the car for a much needed nap- considering that by that time, we had about a three hour gap till surgery prep. 

Long story short, the nap never happened. My hubby was on the phone, almost the entire time, with the doctor's nurse, insurance, and the car payment company. The doctor's nurse informed us that insurance was indeed still pending, and if they didn't approve by surgery time, the surgery would be cancelled and rescheduled. Neither of us were happy. The insurance company decided to be shitty with us and told us that the doctor should have known that the review process was a lengthy one, and there was no way of telling if surgery would be authorized by 4pm. 

Needless to say, we were both worn out by this point- In a year's time, the hubby had seen three surgeons, had umpteen MRIs, taken several pain medications with no avail, been through the pain of physical therapy & pain shots, and now was at the finish line of being fixed, but the insurance company was dragging its feet and we were looking at the possibility of being stuck with a hundred-thousand dollar bill. 

A bit before 1pm, the nurses called us, and told us that they were ready to prep the hubby for surgery. As soon as we got into surgery prep, we told them about our dilemma. Many phone calls later, the doctor's nurse finally said she would make the final call at 2pm. I started to pray. Seeing your loved one in so much pain and knowing you can't help is unbearable. Knowing that you had spent a large amount of one of your last days before surgery on the phone getting everything sorted so you can return to a job after being off and get paid during that time (FMLA & short-term disability), and the possibility of it being for nothing- that is mentally exhausting. 

2pm came and we received a phone call... insurance was still pending, and they were cancelling the surgery. The nurse explained that once insurance decided to authorize, we would get a call and reschedule the surgery. Unfortunately, there was no way of telling when there was an opening. 

The pre-op nurses had a heart, and for our time, they gave us a voucher for free parking and free lunch. Which was the first good thing about our day.

After lunch, as we were walking to the parking garage, we saw the news van setting up to most likely do a news segment about the Ebola patient at Rush. No- the patient didn't actually have Ebola. They arrived at O'Hare airport from Liberia exhibiting Ebola-esque symptoms, and transported to Rush on Tuesday. After testing, it was determined that the adult patient did not have Ebola, but was quarantined just as a precaution. 

We got to the car, and left. The view from the parking garage.... 

Traffic was horrible due to a combination of driving in Chicago and construction, but when we made it home, we decided to take a nap. I personally was running on three hours of sleep- and the hubby had none. 

Unfortunately, our nap was interrupted by my mother calling to tell us to come pick up our son- he had been staying with my parents since the night before. She explained that my grandmother (step-dad's mom who was living with them) had said she couldn't breathe, and had fallen. My mom had called the ambulance, and someone needed to be with Lil Man, because they were on their way to the emergency room.

The hubby and I picked up Lil Man. On our way home, he told us that he had seen grandma fall. I felt so bad for him.

A few hours later, I received a phone call from my mom. She told me that my grandmother had passed away. She explained that the doctor said that she may have had a clot and that they were so sorry. 

Needless to say, explaining death to a 4 year old has been quite difficult. Every time I try to explain to him about what happened- he had grown rather close to her- he asks if we can go get her from the hospital. 

Personally I am in a place between numb and extreme sadness. There were so many factors that my grandmother had over come- being abused by my aunt and uncle for almost eight years (no one was aware until four months ago), having a stroke that left the right side of her body near-paralyzed, going from near-paralyzed to a walking, talking, all around amazing person with the help of rehab, moving into my parents house, and then this. It's not fair. 

I didn't even get to tell her goodbye. 

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  1. Oh no Tabitha, I'm so so sorry, what an awful time you have had :( How awful that your husband didn't get to have surgery and I'm so sorry that your grandmother passed away aswell. I know exactly how you are feeling, my uncle passed away on Friday and I am still in that numb phase even though we knew that he was terminally ill. If you need to let off steam please give me a shout. Thinking of you xxx

  2. Tabitha, I am so sorry to hear about all of this! I can't imagine how frustrating all of the surgery complications must be for you guys and how awful for your poor husband! Hopefully you're able to get it all figured out and schedule a new date very soon! And I'm so sorry about your Grandma. Prayers for your whole family, sweet girl! XO

  3. I am so sorry to hear all of this. I can't believe that they couldn't make a decision then and there as a mani in chronic pain is waiting to be operated on. That's horrendous. And I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

  4. (Sorry if this is a repeat, I don't think my other one posted!) I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep her memories in your heart and she'll be with you always! Insurance is a blessing, but it hardly ever works out the way it should. Hopefully they get that figured out soon and he can get his surgery done!

  5. So reading this post totally broke my heart. I am so sorry to hear all of this... you and your family are in my prayers right now. Keep your head up. Let me know if you need anything. xox

  6. So sorry for your lost and my condolences to your family! I know it can be hard to explain death to a child esp since they don't understand it really. And they miss them and want to see them. I hope God gives your family peace and comfort. Sucks they canceled the surgery. Keep your head up and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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