my worst fear

In a world of YOLO and FOMO, there is no room for fear, right? I mean, it's almost like with all the super awesome things going on around us, society is taunting us to be fearless. But is that fearless as in living life to the fullest or fearless as in, I'm going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane and pray to the heavens that my chute will open so I don't become a pancake in a field somewhere? Morbid, I know. But it paints the picture that I am trying to display- how much fear is acceptable in today's society?

Personally, I like the mid point- the 'halfway to fearless' point, if you may. Yes, I know it used to be a blog, but we won't go there right now- I just liked the title. I think that a little bit of fear is good for an individual, so when they over come that little bit, it's a celebratory occasion. And it's always something that the masses can identify with... ie. fear of public speaking, fear of being naked, fear of spiders, fear of asking a boy/girl out... 

Like everyone else, I may put on a show, but I can't walk the walk. I do have fears- both rational and irrational. And those irrational fears are most likely deep-seeded from childhood. Today we could talk about my very real, rational, most likely everyone has them, fears like public speaking, accidentally stabbing myself in the eye with a mascara wand, stepping on a lego or other small toy accessory, cutting my hand when washing the knives, but I won't. 

Tay and Helen's #blogtober14 prompt for today was my worst fear, so I am going to confess it...

I have a fear that I am going to loose my child. I am generally an optimist, but for some reason, when it comes to Lil Man, I have the very real fear that I am going to loose him- and it's not going to be from someone actually taking him. Maybe all parents have this fear? It's hard to describe, but I am the type of Mother that used to get up in the middle of the night to check to see if he was still breathing. And I still do it to this day. I also used call and text whoever is watching him multiple times a day to check on him. Yes, I am slowly getting better with everything, but it still happens every now and then.

All of it could be part of my depression, or some type of mental illness that hasn't been addressed, or it's just an insecurity of being a parent. But I really have no idea and it scares the living hell out of me.

But... I am a bit grateful for the fear. I know that sounds super messed up, but it's true. I mean, a bit of parental fear is a good thing to a point, right? I know what you're thinking, and yes, I know I have issues. I just wish I could find someone who identifies with me on any of this.

As you can already tell, I am the type of parent that is a bit over protective. Like, I love watching my child climb trees, but the fear of him falling still exists in the back of my mind. And I love having him walk beside me in the store, but when he wanders like two feet away, I have a mini panic attack, because I think someone is going to steal him. That fear is most likey due to being a Criminal Justice major and know that there are some really freaky people out there. 

Now that I'm pretty sure you think I'm a mental case, how about I give you my top three irrational, I know you can identify with, fears? 

one || death by drowning or being eaten by sharks

two || getting struck by lightening or sucked up into a tornado

three || being chased by the clown on American Horror Story: Freak Show

*Linking up with Ember Grey, Tay, & Helene

Do you have any rational or irrational fears?

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  1. You are not alone! I absolutely have this fear. My mind always jumps to the worst possible scenario. I'm slowly working on it though :)

  2. Girl, I'll tell you right now- I'm not even a parent (yet) and I know you're not alone on this! I think dealing with fear, or rather letting go of it, is a constant "here, God - take this and replace it with something greater" - over and over and over again. One of my "OCD fears" is that I haven't unplugged my straightener and that it will burn our apartment down with our dog and cat inside. (CRAZY?! Perhaps!) But it's to the point where even when I KNOW I've unplugged it, I still have to check before leaving the house. Lots and lots of praying over that one... because I know that it's really about me not giving it to God and trusting that he can take my fears and replace them with something better. We are a work in progress! :)


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