On one hand, I really wanted to stay at the hospital with my husband post surgery to provide him with moral support and a friendly face, but one the other hand, my child's pleas to come home and be with me, because he was sick, won me over.
I guess it's part of being a parent, really. Your heart tells you to stay with and support your spouse in their time of need, but in this particular situation, your head tells you that he will be fine and is in good hands with competent medical professionals that hopefully give off a nice disposition. Your heart and head are at total odds with each other and you wonder if leaving the hospital was even the right choice.
Then you arrive home and a hug makes you realize that the decision was in fact the right one. But you long to be back at the hospital. Especially when your child asks to go pick up his daddy like every two seconds.
Why as a mother, do I even have to make the choice between them? I mean I totally understand the different scenarios in which choosing your child is the better option, but this one is not even close. It's simple really. And I'm just being stupid. Take care of your child, especially when he's sick and has to go to the doctor, and believe that your spouse is in capable hands. A simple decisional choice. A good one at best. But one that weighs on your heart.
It's not like your child wasn't in capable and loving hands when you sat at the hospital during your spouse's surgery, alone and freaking out because of your anxiety. Your child was with his grandparents and you know they would never hurt him. But you still long to be with him, and give into his pleas to go pick him up.
Ugh! I really hate the whole situation.
Yes, I made the decision to come home and spend the much needed time with my son, but every time I call the hubby and he tells me that something else is wrong, I want to jump in the car and race as fast as I can into the heart of Chicago, and be there with him. BUT I can't. After a trip to the doctor, my son now has a virus, and I was told by the doctor, to keep him away from his dad. Makes sense. No one wants to have a healing spine AND a virus that causes nasal congestion, coughing, and all around feeling like crap. But with all that, the wanting is still there.
Even though I am confessing my lil heart out, I still wish for this whole situation to be over. For the hubby to be home and right where I can see him. For Lil Man to feel better, For Lil Man to stop asking for his dad- I know he's a kid, so I can't really get mad. For life to be just a bit easier. For a lower anxiety level. For us to be a family again.
linking up with Anne & Liz.